You know that feeling when you think you've failed as a parent? It's the kind of feeling that negates all the good things you've done lately and has you focus only on the thing you seemingly messed up beyond repair. Say hello to Mom Guilt. Mom Guilt sucks. Mom Guilt will suck the joy right out of your day if you let it, and it looks for every opportunity to show itself.
Everyone has a different strategy for recognizing and getting rid of Mom Guilt and we wanted to know all the details.
We asked our Mighty Mamas to share their thoughts and here is what they said.
HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH OR KEEP MAMA GUILT IN CHECK?
"By reminding myself that we are all learning. Every day, every child, every phase, is something new to ALL of us and we're in this together. When I'm feeling disappointed in myself for something I said or did, I apologize, talk or think about what I could have done differently and MOVE on. When that isn't enough, I stay up late and squeeze in all the self love I can!"
"I let myself cry it out when I need to - sometimes a good cry can make a world of difference. Mama guilt can be absolutely heartbreaking, and crying is cathartic for me. After that, I spend time talking to either my husband or my mama friends to get my guilt off my chest and come up with ways I can handle it better."
"I often have to remind myself that no one is perfect, even though it looks that way in our time with social media. That I love my daughter and as long as she knows that and can tell that I love her then we had a good day. Even if we didn't do everything I had planned or didn't even leave the house or out of our pjs, as long as I spent time with her and she felt loved then I try not to feel guilty about it. Having a great parenthood community to talk to and express feelings has helped as well because we all have those moments of mom guilt."
"I am a chronic over-sharer. I've found that once aired out many other Mamas are in the same situation. We all guilt over the same kinds of things, too much screen time, healthy eating, not spending enough quality time with them, indulging them, ignoring them etc. As soon as I started talking about my guilt, I heard "Me too." it helps keep me focused on the important things."
"I do not really have mama guilt. I waited to have children and I just go with what feels right to me. There is so much drama and judgement that happens just in being a woman and then adding motherhood on top of that its a crazy mess. So, I made a personal choice that I would try my hardest to stay away from all the drama and guilt. I also try to hang out with other moms that empower and don't make me feel guilty over my choices as a mom. At the end of the day we all have to live with our choices not anyone else. So I say do what feels right for you as a mom, not what is right for anyone else and rock your mom socks off!!"
"This is something I’m still trying to figure out and learning to not hold on to. I sometimes see the mama guilt as an extension of the love I feel for my kids. I love them so much that more often than not I put them first. I remind myself that in order to be the best possible mama for my children I need to take care of myself too. Remembering that there needs to be a balance of Mama, wife, and self time is necessary. "
"I often have to remind myself that there are certain things beyond my control and not to dwell on these things. I focus on what I can control and let the rest go. I do the best that I can and my son is not any worse for wear because of it."
"This was harder for me when I was a 'new' mom. I constantly felt guilty. Guilty for working 40+ hours a week, for going to school full time, for not playing with my kids enough, etc, etc. I feel like I have less guilt the older they get. Maybe I'm just getting the whole hang of this parenting thing! Honestly though, since I have been writing/blogging, I really feel like I have less mom guilt. Taking the time to do something for myself everyday makes me a better mother when I am with my kids."
"Mama guilt is one of those banners that seems to always be looming. I find that no matter what kind of mom you are, no matter what kind of parenting philosophy or practices you follow, we can ALL relate to mama guilt in one way or another. And what's sadly funny, most of us have the same kinds of mama guilt.
I have had a lot of success keeping my mama guilt in check by simply talking with another mama when I'm feeling down or guilty. Knowing that you're not alone in those feelings already helps a ton.
Another thing I do to try and keep mama guilt in check is remember the big picture for our family. Momhood is full of so much self-sacrifice, but if I'm not happy, then the atmosphere in my home most likely won't be happy either. So if that means I need to have a girls' night once a month or coffee with a friend once a week, to keep my peace, then that's what I do! Trying to keep things in perspective and not feel guilty about needing some time alone is huge for me."
"I am getting better with this as I get older. You can beat yourself up or you can forgive yourself. I choose to forgive myself and remember tomorrow is a new day!"
HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH OR KEEP MAMA GUILT IN CHECK?
P.S. If you enjoyed this, you may also enjoy BEING WASTEFUL.
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